Spoilers
by thouarthot
Summary: The Doctor and River's relationship from beginning to end. I'm rubbish at summaries.


_A/N: I wrote this before we found out River Song's identity. Also, all the situations are made up even though the one in the beginning slightly resembles Forest of the Dead._

The life of a time traveler is a complicated one. Every day I step outside my front door and I am not only in a new place, but also in a new time. I'm confused as to whether I take place in historical events or cause them completely. Everything is fuzzy and nothing ever really makes sense when it happens. People tell me things that I don't yet understand, and sometimes I am forced to trust people that I haven't yet met. So yeah, you could say it's complicated. It's complicated and confusing and chaotic and heart breaking because people come and go but I will always be here. I will always travel and I will always move on. I'm 908 years old and I'm just getting started. I've learned to do my business alone. I bring people along with me sometimes, but they never last long. I'm a different breed; time travel isn't for everyone. I travel through space and time to fight the evils of the universe, which sounds really dramatic and important, and you're right, it is. While traveling I usually come across a damsel in distress who I charm into trusting me by saying, "Trust me. I'm the Doctor," and then smiling that devilish smile and whisking her away into my time machine called the TARDIS. At this point she usually doesn't know what to think because one minute she was running from danger and the next she was hurried into a blue police box that's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. I press a few buttons while she is staring in awe at the impossibility that surrounds her, then jerk the doors back open and reveal our new location.

"But," she will usually stammer, "how did that happen?"

"Timey wimey," I'll say with a shrug. "Spacey wacey." And after I save the day I offer to take her someplace fantastic, like Florence during the Renaissance or Paris in the 1900s, and she will have the time of her life. She'll see sights she had never dreamed of. Day after day I will cause her to rethink reality as she knows it. But eventually the façade will fade. She'll remember her family back home, or maybe time travel is just too much for her human brain to handle. Either way, I always understand. When they stay too long they just end up getting hurt, anyway. Or hurting me.

So that is why I travel alone. I get lonely, more lonely than you will ever be. But I do it because I have to.

And as usual, I am running. That's another thing I do a lot of. Running. Always with the running. I'm running from an alien, or maybe a robot. It could actually be a robot alien, but that really isn't important right now. What's important is what happens next. I turn the corner sharply, hoping to find some shelter for a moment to come up with a brilliant plan that will save everyone. Instead I find a hand thrown over my mouth. I flail and kick, and I think I even bite, but the mysterious figure holding me hostage just shushes me and tightens their grip. When the alien robots storm past us I am finally released. Spinning to face my captor I point my finger in an accusing way, but before I can say anything she steps from the shadows. A woman with a ferocious mane of wild, curly blonde hair smirks at me.  
>"Hello sweetie," she winks. I stare with an open mouth. I'm really not sure what my emotions are doing right now. Part of me feels like I should trust this woman, part of me is furious at myself for feeling that because if there is anything I have learned it is to never trust anyone you don't know while time traveling, and part of me just wants to stare at her because my god she is attractive. Thankfully I snap out of it and continue with my accusation.<p>

"Excuse me, but who are you?" Just cold enough, I think. Her face falters.

"Doctor?" she asks.

"Doctor who?" I respond, not ready to give away my identity.

"Of course," she says to herself, or maybe to me, it's hard to tell. "You haven't met me yet." I'm staring again.  
>"Right, now tell me who you are."<p>

"You have to trust me. I know you have no reason to do so, but you have to. I'll explain everything later, but for now we need to leave. Run." The urgency in her voice stirs up a little excitement in my chest. Who is she and why does she share my same escape plan? She grabs my hand and pulls me away.

"Where are we going?" I shout.

"Shut up, you'll feel better in a moment." And she's right because she runs us straight in through the open doors of the TARDIS.

"How did you get us in here? How did you even – " I cut myself off because I can see she's not paying attention. Instead, she beings to _fly_ the TARDIS. "Well excuse me!" I shout, enflamed and slightly worried that I let a hijacker into my home, "but what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Flying."

"I can see that, but how? No one knows how except me. Actually, no one _can _but me. I'm the only one. Last TARDIS, last TARDIS pilot."

"Except me," she smiles halfheartedly. Something seems heavy behind her eyes. When I look at her I feel her pain and worry. "You taught me. You _will_ teach me."

"And who exactly _are _you?" I stand my ground. I can't let my emotions get the best of me, and frankly right now I'm angrier than anything, no matter how sad she looks.

"Dr. River Song," she says sincerely. "You have to trust me. I don't know how much I can tell you right now." Then she goes to the door and walks out. My mind is racing as I chase after her.

The corridors are thick with black smoke and the end of the universe is approaching if I don't do something quickly. Dr. Song and I became separated, although I didn't get much more information out of her anyway. I've figured that the only way to override the robot aliens' hard drives is to plug myself into their computer and intercept their transmission. Doing this will kill me, but then again I really have nothing to live for. I live every day to save the human race, so it's basically just another day at the office.

I'm standing over the control panel, just about to strap myself in, when Dr. Song bursts in.

"What do you think you're doing," she says with incredible ice in her tone.

"I'm the only one who can do this," I say. "I don't know who you are or how you know me, but now is your only chance to tell me. So either get on with it or leave me alone, because I've made up my mind and you can't stop me."

"You're wrong," she says. "You aren't the only one who can do this, and I wish you'd stop thinking that all the time." She looks at the floor and bites her lip. "I won't tell you who I am. You have to discover it for yourself." At this she pries me out of the control seat and takes my place.  
>"No!" I cry. "I won't let you!"<p>

"What did I say?" She stares deep into my eyes. "You have to trust me. My life is over, but you have so much more. I know you. I probably know you better than you know yourself. Right now I certainly do. I know you're afraid of letting anyone in because everyone leaves. Everyone leaves and you're still stuck here, stuck in an endless loop of collecting friends and being forced to dump them back home. Well, let me tell you something. Things are going to go a little differently with me, I promise you that. Just let me do this. You have more important things to do." I don't know what to say.

"How do you know all of that about me?" I ask, overwhelmed. She smiles tenderly and a single tear falls from her eye.

"Spoilers," she whispers. Then she pushes me hard and I fly against the wall. She pulls the control helmet over her head and presses that big red button that never means good news.

And she's gone. The robot aliens are all fried, and so is Dr. River Song. I check on the rest of the people in the area, making sure no one is seriously hurt, and I make my way back to the TARDIS. River Song, who seemed to know everything about me, and yet I know nothing about her. Was she even a real doctor? Anyone can call themselves doctor, trust me on that one. How did she know exactly what to do, and why did she seem so sure of it? These questions haunt me for a long time but eventually they move to the back of my mind and I forget all about the mysterious Dr. Song.

I like to make it seem like I know all there is to know about everything, and I usually do, but there are some things I will never understand such as why humans never learn from their mistakes, why it's always too hot inside in the winter and too cold in the summer, and why the TARDIS takes me places I didn't ask her to take me. I am minding my own business, as I so seldom do, and putting around in the TARDIS looking for my next innocent travel destination when she suddenly takes off on her own accordance. When I finally land her and walk outside I am greeted by a sight for very sore eyes; something I rightfully believed I would never see again in my lifetime. A slender woman in a long evening gown stands before me.

"Hello sweetie," she says playfully.

"But, it's you!" I exclaim, hardly able to piece together coherent statements. "But you're – "

"Ah, ah, ah," she wags a finger. "Spoilers. Say no more. We have business." She walks away and I follow her obediently.

"What do you mean, 'spoilers?' You said that last time, too. And how did you find me? Rather, how did I find you? The TARDIS just took me here." I have so many questions and so little ability to voice them all.

"I called," she responds, ignoring the rest of my inquiries.

"But I didn't hear the phone." She stops and looks at me.

"You still need that phone?"

"Of course I still need the phone, how else am I supposed to get calls?" I say, rather cross at how condescending she is being.

"Oh, you'll figure something out," she smiles.

"Why do you talk like that? Why won't you give me a straight answer? I'm very persistent, you know. I won't give up until you tell me."

"Oh, I know," she sighs. "Very persistent. Alright, well I guess I owe you at least part of the puzzle." By this time we've reached a towering stone building. We enter it, she leads me to a control room, and she sits behind the panel. "I am from your future," she explains, "so as I'm sure you understand, I can't give away too much."

"I'm from the future as well," I tell her, "and the past. I'm a time traveller; I can be from anywhere I want. I already know what happens in the future."

"No," she stops me. "I'm from _your_ future. Your future is my past; my past is your future. We're traveling in opposite directions. You mustn't tell me about the last time you saw me, because it has yet to have happened." The concept is not a difficult one to comprehend. It's your basic time travel; very timey wimey, _very _wibbly wobbly. What is difficult however is accepting the fact that she can tell me no more. The way she looks at me with her green eyes makes me believe that she is someone of great importance, or maybe I am the important one. Either way, I remember the way she quickly allowed herself to die in my place and I'm suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude.

"I trust you," I finally say. She blinks and meets my eyes.

"Good," is her only reply, a smile fighting its way off her lips.

As mentioned before, time travel is a sticky subject and it can make short periods of time feel very long, and vice versa. Therefore the gap between my first meeting with River and my second meeting felt very long, but in actuality it could have been only days, I really have no way of being sure. Luckily however, our meetings never seemed as far apart as our first two. While travelling I always miss her greatly, wondering what secrets will be revealed at our next reunion, yet when we are finally brought back to each other it feels as though I had only seen her one day ago. Seeing her face makes my heart jump, and discovering more about our relationship and her true identity is a thrill in itself. Her playful, "Oh, Doctor"s and "Hello sweetie"s turn into frisky, "You bad boy"s and "Come here, sugar"s.

We have saved the world together countless times, and yet at the end of the day we always leave separately. She never asks or offers to come with me, and she never invites me with her. "Would you like to come along with me?" I ask her one time. I'm standing on the threshold of the TARDIS holding her hand from the inside as she stands outside in the sand. The sky is engulfed in flames as the sun sets over yet another of our painful goodbyes.

"Oh, Doctor," she shakes her head, hiding her watering eyes. "You know why I can't. We're not meant to live our lives side by side. It can't work that way. You know that."

"Yeah, I know," I rub the back of my neck and sigh, "but it was worth an ask, right?"

"Right," and she smiles that beautiful, heart-melting smile of hers. "Oh, come here you," and before I know what is happening I feel her arms around me and my hearts double in pace. The first time she kisses me is shocking and amazing and unexpected and beautiful and _hot_ and when it's over I say, "Wow, um," and for once I am at a total loss for words. Yet I look at her face and see it break when she realizes my surprise and I remember that my firsts are her lasts, and although this was an incredible experience, it makes me fear the day of my first kiss to her.

Most of the time when we are with each other it's because we are pulled together by some universal bond that brought us to the same point to save the world. After that we usually go and have tea and catch up – see where we are in each other's lives. I take her to beautiful places, promising not to steal her away forever (despite how much I long to), because beautiful places are all the more enjoyable if they are shared with a beautiful person. I take her to far away planets that experience seven sunsets every evening and seven sunrises each dawn. I take her to the depths of the ocean and to the stretches of time. I show her sights that I would never even begin to consider showing another person, and I do it all for her. I do it all hoping that she will collapse, smitten, into my arms, begging me to take her along. That is impossible though, and I know that. Instead she gazes awestruck into the beauty that I opened to her and she kisses me passionately and I wonder what I ever did to deserve a love that will be so fleeting.

During one of our ephemeral trysts I suggest a particularly fascinating vacation spot for us. "Come on," I wink. "It'll be fun."

"Are you sure?" she asks apprehensively. She smiles shyly. She looks so much younger than I ever remember her. So less sure of herself, as well.

"Of course," I smile, burying the pain that begins to clench in my chest. For much of the time that I've known her, River has known more about me than I know of her. It adds to her mystery and charm; I see her as a prophet – someone who knows all the secrets of my future. Days come and go where we experience firsts and lasts. This is one of those days. I show her the magnificent flying fish of Arcedon and we hold hands.

"It's so beautiful," she breathes. "I've never seen anything like it."

"Oh, well you will," I assure her. She turns to me, eyes hopeful.

"Really? What else will I see?" My heart skips.

"Spoilers," I say, my voice cracking slightly. Her doe eyes gaze upwards until they meet mine. I push her hair back and kiss her lips. She hesitates momentarily before kissing back.

"Doctor," she blushes when we finish, "how sudden."

"Oh, but it isn't," I whisper. "I've been dreading this day for ages."

"But – "

"Your firsts are my lasts," I say quietly.

"What am I like in the future?" she asks, most likely assuming I will refuse to answer her.

"Beautiful," I pause. "You're beautiful and clever and stubborn, so so stubborn. You're actually the most infuriating person I have ever been blessed to know."

"Can I come with you?" she murmurs into my chest. I hold her tight and close my eyes.

"It can't work that way. You know that." Then I take her back and we say goodbye.

Our next few meetings are sad and painful for me, but are exciting and captivating for River. Every time we meet she knows me less and less. Now I know the agony she must have felt on that first day we met; the day she died for me, not able to properly say goodbye in fear of giving something away. As time goes on I become confused as to who picked up what from whom. When we first met, River always shot down my inquiries by cooing, "spoilers," but now she stamps her foot impatiently when I say it to her. I picked up the phrase from her, but will she pick it up from me? After a while I teach her how to pilot the TARDIS, but I'm not sure if it's because I want to, or because that's what she told me. Time travel _is_ a funny thing.

It's been a while since I have last seen River and I really begin to miss her. I picture her in my mind and I beg the TARDIS to bring me to her. Every time I open the doors I hold my breath, waiting to see her on the other side. It never happens though, and I somehow manage to go on with life as normal. I receive an emergency call on the TARDIS, which hasn't happened in a while, and I hone in on the coordinates. I rush through time and space to my final destination. I run out the doors, oh this is so exciting I haven't had an emergency in ages, preparing to assess the destruction, but when I get outside all I see is the back garden of a rather dull house.

"Hello?" I holler. "Is someone in danger?" That's never the right thing to shout. Why did I do that? I snoop around, holding out my sonic screwdriver and attempting to find the problem. Instead of finding the problem however, I find myself face to face with a very terrified girl holding a very metal bat. "Woah woah woah!" I shout. "You do _not_ want to do that!" I pocket the sonic and put my hands out in front of me. "Look," I say, "no harm." She lowers the bat slightly and narrows her eyes at me.

"What the hell are you doing here, and why is that box in my garden?" she says, attempting to intimidate me.

"Ah, well, you see, someone called me. Or, something called me. Not sure, but it said it's an emergency so I might as well ask you. Are you in danger?"

"I suppose I could be, if you decide to endanger me," she answers. Clever girl.

"Right, but besides the mad man and the box, there's no danger?"

"None."

"Right…" I turn around and glance at the house. "Nothing unusual at all? No cracks in walls, no rooms that don't belong, no strange noises, no disappearances?"

"No," she says crossly. "Everything is normal. _You_'re the only strange one here." I pivot and face her, taken aback.

"Well, how rude," I say indignantly. She seems sorry for my sudden resentment. Her green eyes lower in an apology. She has thick, blonde hair that is poorly flattened. "Now why would I be brought here if it wasn't an emergency?" I look more closely at her and feel a sense of recognition. She can't be more than seventeen years old, but she looks like someone I know – or someone I don't know yet.

"What's your name?" I ask quickly.

"Who wants to know?" she crosses her arms.

"Yes, yes, don't talk to strangers and all that. But if you don't talk to strangers," I swallow the lump in my throat, "how will you ever meet anyone new?" Her arms fall to her sides as she answers.

"River."

"My god," I grab her shoulders and examine her. "What on earth have you done to your hair?"

"Well, excuse me!" she huffs and shoves me away. "Sorry I can't be perfect for you. It's not easy, you know. Flat hair is the style. Everyone wants to be as small as possible and I'm stuck with a lion's mane. I'm doing the best I can."

"I think your hair is brilliant," I breathe. She stops and looks at me.

"Who are you? Really."

"I don't know why the TARDIS would bring me here, now, unless there was danger. We almost always met when there was danger. We fix the danger, and then we have our time together. That's how it works. I almost don't know what to say to you because the danger hasn't happened," I babble. "But the TARDIS did bring me here, and she's never wrong." I hold out my hand. "I'm the Doctor." She slowly shakes it.

"So, do I know you?"

"No," I pause, "not yet. You see, I'm from your future. I don't know what exactly it is that you'll do, but you'll be amazing at it and it'll allow you to be able to once in a while encounter me. I don't want to tell you too much, because, you know, spoilers." She stands in fascination and I know I must be careful. When I first met River I was older and less trusting and very, very confused at what was happening. But now River is not a 908-year-old time travelling man; she is self-conscious seventeen-year-old girl who would jump at the chance to see the stars with a mysterious stranger.

"Spoilers?" she asks. "That doesn't sound like much fun."

"No, I never liked it when you said it either."

"So you really do know me in the future?"

"I more than know you," I say, looking into her trusting eyes. This isn't fair. Our last meeting was so short, so brief, and so very long ago. Thinking back on it it's quite obvious she barely knew me. I should have spent more time with her, or brought her someplace special. But I stopped bringing her to beautiful places after I kissed her for the first time, because I wanted that to be special for her. Something builds deep within me, a mixture of anger and sadness. It feels almost like regret, except I regret nothing. I think back to the first time I met River and I think of how she must have felt. I was so short with her, so untrusting. It could not have been a pleasant visit for her. "You are so much stronger than I am, River Song," I say quietly, holding her hands. "The first time I met you went nothing like this. You were so brave."

"I don't understand," her stare burns through me like it never has before; she examines my very purpose.

"Oh, neither did I," I laugh. "You were quite cruel to me when I met you. Wouldn't tell me a thing. I hope I'm being a bit nicer by telling you who I am."

"But you haven't really," she counters. "You only told me your name and that we know each other in the future. How do we meet after this?"

"For a while, I'll find you. You won't know what to do yet. But you'll grow, and you'll become so clever. Cleverer than me in a way, although know one is cleverer than me."

"Smug," she scoffs. I bow and continue.

"Just know one thing, River Song. You are beautiful and you bring me so much joy. I don't think I'll say that to you enough, but I need you to know that it's true. And I need you to know one more thing," I pause.

"What is it?" she leans in.

"No," I tighten my grip on her hand. "You'll know. Now is not the time. Spoilers, and such." I wipe a tear from my eye. "Good lord, look at me. This is not how I want you to remember me." I pat her firmly on the arm and make my way to the TARDIS.

"Wait!" she calls out. "This isn't goodbye, is it?"

"I don't know anymore," I ponder. "Well, no. It's not. Not for you. For you it's the beginning."

"When will I see you again?" Her beautiful sparkling emerald green eyes are swimming with tears.

"Not for a long time, I'm afraid," I smile. "But you'll make it. I know you will. So until then, hello Sweetie."

And with a wink I begin to dematerialize.

And that is the last I will ever see of River Song.

Beautiful.

Clever.

Charming.

_Hot._

Impossible.

River Song.


End file.
